My focal point for this new year is to "focus."
It is not, however, my resolution. It just so happened that I coincidentally was ready to make big changes at this time.
This past year I have struggled with my mudslide of stomach and gut ailments, the recurrence of my depression, the increasing worry and fear of being a failure at parenting, the sabatoge of my mind on my own person.
I have disregarded so much of the good by worrying about being better or perfect or healthy or doing what is right.
It is exhausting!! And I honestly can't go on feeling like this.
I have made changes. They have been challenging. But they are only the beginning.
I often forget that changes and improvements can't be made immediately. It takes time, it takes practice, it takes progress.
It takes FOCUS!
I want to be able to focus on one thing at a time. (My psych I started seeing said that I am borderline ADHD - go figure!)
I want to be able to focus on the moment and stop worrying about if I'm doing it right.
I want to be able to step back during a challenging moment and regroup and focus on the important thing.
I want to be calm and relaxed, to breathe.
I want to feel whole and complete, confident in myself. Without worry of what others may think, how they view me as a person or a parent.
I don't want to focus on those things that cause me anxiety and fear and worry.
I want to focus on what is important to me. The people who matter to me. Bettering the relationships in my life. My body, mind, soul and spirit. Doing things for me that make me happy, doing things for others that make them (and myself) happy.
I need to slow my mind down (this seems so impossible a times) and live in the moment.
So far today was a success.
Here's to hoping the rest of the year includes many positive movements, many focused moments, many "in the moments."
Happy New Year to you all. I wish you the very best of the best!
lots of love, xo
